先看一段故事:

路人甲: 你們這些 Segway (賽基維) 就放外面, 難道不怕我一拿就走?

導遊: 喔, 你會騎嗎?

路: 不會耶

導: 那就對啦

路: ...

(導遊說故事 7/2007)

 

之前週末有幸去 Washington DC (華盛頓特區) 市中心觀光了數天.  美國華府是世界政治的中心與舞台, 眾所週知, 礙於篇幅不多介紹.  有趣的是我們參加的 City Segway Tour (賽基維環城遊).

 

Segway, (圖中我騎的 "機器", 因中文名不詳暫稱為 "賽基維") 是 Dean Kamen 先生發明並於 2001 年年底由 Segway Inc 公司推出的類太空時代機械的人類代步機器.  Dean 當初構想的背景是他認為人們可用之代步短程的距離, 進而達到節約能源和減少污染的理想.  當初確實造成了不小的轟動, 甚至有人預測不出幾年的時間就會人手一台成為生活中不可或缺的代步工具.

 

可是, 事實上呢?  推出至今六年了, 我從來沒騎過也不認識任何一個擁有賽基維的人.  只有偶爾看到警察人員用它代步去巡邏.  這賽基維雖然新穎易用又酷, 但它並不是個實際和務實的代步工具, 只能說是個 toy (高級玩具).  而且是有錢人家的玩具, 畢竟 $5000 美金的起價不是每個人都可以負擔得起的.  這也就是為什麼當人們看到一台台昂貴的賽基維停放在旅遊公司外面時會見色起意, 然而如果不會騎, 還沒騎走已經摔了個跟斗了!  賽基維一台大約 90 磅, 即使兩個人搬也頗為吃力.  除非是用車載走.  可是每一台的鑰匙都有不同的序號, 向出廠商申請備份又必需確認擁有者身份, 所以偷了也沒用.  不過是一堆廢橡皮與塑膠.

 

出發前導遊為我們做了動作的分解, 經過十分鐘的練習大家都能夠上手.  以下是一些個人的心得:

1. 啟動: 握手把, 把賽基維舉起來讓踏板與地面平行.  把鑰匙按入鑰匙孔直到顯示器出現電池的指標.  拔出鑰匙, 按鑰匙孔左邊的藍按鈕.  顯示器出現笑臉即可使用.  按: 黑色鑰匙最快時速一小時六英里, 黃色的則是一小時八英里.

2. 上車: 雙手握住把手, 兩腳一前一後的踩上踏板.  讓身體保持筆直中立的狀態.

3. 操作: 前進--身體往前傾, 傾越多跑越快.  停止--把身體調回中立的狀態.  後推--身體往後仰.  轉彎, 左手把手的虎口處可扭轉, 手腕往右就是右轉, 反之則是左轉.  如果是靜止狀態下轉彎的話則是原地打轉.

4. 下車: 把身體調整為筆直中立的狀態, 讓賽基維停下來.  雙手握住把手, 兩腳一前一後的下踏板.  按一下藍色按鈕關機, 然後把它靠在牆上或放在地上.

 

由於是觀光旺季, 華府市中心的旅客人山人海, 其中有本土的也有外來的.  如先前所說, 賽基維非常少見, 因此我們的轉頭商 (head turning quotient) 幾乎是 100%.  所到之處, 不時的有人為我們攝影與拍照, 甚至在幾處還有人群分開夾道歡迎之勢.  是滿拉風的.  我想我會出現在很多人 2007 年度家庭旅遊的相簿和影片裡吧.  哈哈哈哈.  那天導遊帶著我們往返穿梭市中心的觀光重點, 兩個半小時騎了近八英里.  是個省體力又有趣的活動.  City Segway Tours 公司除了華府還有在歐美的多個大城市提供此服務.  建議有興趣的朋友洽其網站提前預訂, 以免向偶.

 

途中導遊還提到賽基維之所以未普遍的原因也包括了各城鎮對於其使用上的一些限制與規定.  例如有些地方禁止賽基維在人行道上行駛, 另外有些地方則是把它分類為和輕型摩托車同等級的交通工具需要申請牌照和駕照等.  賽基維在馬路上行駛絕對不安全, 如果再加上這些限制那豈不是沒有容身之地了?  為了安全禁止在人行道上使用是可以理解, 若駕駛不當撞到人真的是不太好.  但是誰又能保證那些騎在人行道上的腳踏車不會撞到人呢?  騎賽基維有生手, 騎單車也有生手啊.  如此不是對賽基維的一種歧視?  我想是因人們對單車熟悉而誤認人人會騎, 對賽基維則是過於陌生而恐懼吧.

 

去年推出的第二代賽基維變化頗多, 不僅操作上可以用身體控制轉彎, 電池更持久也可自行充電, 同時速度也增加了.  然而最大的變化可以算是機種多元化的用途和可個人化造型的選擇.  有興趣的朋友可洽 Segway Inc. 網站訂購.

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註:

1. City Segway Tours 網站

2. Segway Inc. 網站

 

備: 2003 年[小]布希總統和父親老布希一起騎賽基維 (如圖).  老人家年過 80 卻騎得好好的.  小布希不僅亂壓他人的花園, 更因操作不當摔了下來.  差點壓到後面的黑狗及旁邊騎單車的小女孩.  賽基維的標榜之一是 idiot-proof (容易到傻瓜都會騎), 可見一般.

Yahoo News (7/23/2007) Taliban raises demands for 23 Koreans -- KANDAHAR, Afghanistan - A purported Taliban spokesman said that negotiations for the lives of 23 South Korean hostages had stalled and that militants would kill the aid workers Monday evening if the government doesn't free Taliban prisoners.

 

So, I was reading this news and it's just so mind-boggling.  What the hell were those cave-squatting goat-f*cking fishhead-sucking heroin-shooting low-life dumb-shit sons of bitches (is there a term for female goats? hahaha) towel-heads thinking kidnapping Koreans, huh?  Don't they know not to mess around with [South] Koreans?  Haven't they heard of Seong Hui Cho, huh?  I guess they don't get out much from the caves.  Look it up and you Taliban scum will realize that you've made a huge mistake.

 

And you think you are tough, huh, Mr. Towel-head?  You like truck bombs, don't you?  Yeah, think you will like personalized home deliveries from Korean Choes on US made F-150s laden with C4s?  You think you got the franchise on suicide bombers, eh?  Right, just wait until little Choes show up at your tribal councils wearing vests loaded with golf ball size ball bearings.  Like IEDs, beheadings, torturing?  The Choes do them too and do them better.

  

You just try killing one of them, Mr. Talibani towel-head cowards and you will see what I am talking about.  Oh yeah, I can just smell the headlines of next Tuesday if those captives are not released ASAP:  Fifty thousand Choes highly trained in CounterStrike and the art of head shots parachute into Warizistan, the lawless tribal area of Pakistan, charging mushroom clouds from nuclear missiles sent by North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il.  Kim was quoted on national TV as saying: "North or South we are all Koreans, you mess with one you mess with the entire family."  In the foreground, the crowed could be heard chanting: "all for one and one for all".  The Choes were heard by the locals to have recited "I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country." before charging toward the front line.

 

"In the aftermath of operation Soeul Justice, al-Qaeda chief Osama Bin Laden and his number two, Ayman al-Zawahiri were smoked out of their caves and found escaping while dressed in a Burqa.  Osama and Ayman were promptly surrounded by local Pakistani who taunted them with "Death to al-Qaeda" rhetorics and repeatedly beat the two on the head with their shoes, a humiliating gesture in that part of the world.  They were then dragged through the street behind a mule cart, lynch style and naked.  Subsequently, Osama and Ayman were burnt and their charred bodies hung on a bridge.  It was not immediately clear whether they were burnt to death or hacked to death beforehand.

 

"In the light of the events, the 23 captives were found unscathed and freed to their relatives.  South and North Korea abandoned their differences and united as one country.  Given the demise of the al-Qaeda leadership, terror cells from all over the world disbanded and turned themselves in to authorities.  Thus al-Qaeda's reign of terror comes to an end.  Warizistan is now clean and articulate and rid of extremists and Taliban remnants and fell under the control of the central government for the first time.  Although DOA, President Bush was giddy to finally have Osama's head.  'Dead or live, mission accomplished', he chuckled.  And this was thought to be the most green war ever fought in the history of mankind where battles were conducted on horsebacks and camel saddles.  Hybrid tanks, APCs and helicopters used were thought to have set an example for future green operations.  The carbon footprint left by this operation is next to nil."

 

"Also from the White House, President Bush signed an executive order granting Purple Heart medals to those injured and deceased Choes.  Vice president Cheney appeared in the ceremony filling for Bush and thanked the Koreans for their courage and sacrifice.  Also thanking them for ending the War on Terror and fulfilling Bush and Cheney's military service obligations."

 

The latest in the news as I write is that those towel-heads have killed one of the 23 Koreans.  Oh well, you dumb shit have crossed the point of no return.  Ain't nothing more I can say or do to help you.  The end is near for you Talibaini people, oh yeah, you will soon realize that the anticipation of death is worse than death itself.  Goodbye, Taliban dogs.

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Footnotes: Everyday I get Koreans coming up to me and try to talk to me in Korean.  That is just so wrong and plain rude!  On a good day I just smile and shake my head.  But what I really want to tell them is "I don't know your f*cking language, get the *beep* out of my face".  English is the official language in this country people!  Give me English or give me death.